25 July, 2012 (Pearly Gates, Heaven)
Early Wednesday afternoon a clearly annoyed Jesus Christ
called a press conference regarding the highly popular craze of creating
lip-synced dance videos of performing artist Carly Rae Jepsen’s song “Call Me
Maybe”. “I got is at first,” said Jesus
“but c’mon guys I paid for your sins and you repay me with this crap?”
The “Call Me Maybe” video frenzy began when a van full of
clearly creative Harvard Baseball players recorded their seated dance while
traveling between games. The YouTube video left many with the same reaction of
16 year-old Melany Rosewood who said, “I’ve never seen anything so
entertaining. The way they mouthed the words, popped people up from under seats, and
had those three intricate arm movements.”
Soon after the baseball team’s video went viral more and
more began to surface, an occurrence that clearly has Jesus frustrated. “It’s
one thing to have a few spin-offs, but for thousands of people to try and do
the same sort of gag over and over again is just plain ridiculous,” Jesus said.
“Especially if its children under 8 [years-old] or active military personnel,
that crap will be on Good Morning America the very next day.”
With the rise of social media the nation has seen many new
viral fads, including “planking” and “Tebowing”. The latter involves a person
taking to a knee and posing in that act of prayer. This trend stemmed from the
touchdown celebration of former Denver Bronco's quarterback and all around good
guy Tim Tebow. Jesus, ironically, never publicly denounced this social media
obsession.
The Holy Savior concluded his press conference with an
unsettling message, “I do have some pretty good connections with the Big Guy”
Jesus stated, “and I know what people think might happen on December 21st
this year. Now, I’m not one to make threats, but if I have to keep seeing this
garbage those damn Mayans may turn out to be right after all.”
Jesus’ public relations representative quickly responded to the press
conference by saying that the Messiah is just “worn out” and that the threat of
the apocalypse “should not be taken seriously”. The representative also hinted
at some dating issues that may have played a part in Jesus’ out-of-character
press conference. The Messiah reportedly also has a planned retreat to Vegas
this weekend for some rest and relaxation. When asked about the trip Jesus
confirmed and replied “Yeah the trip is for some ‘rest’. I also plan to one-up
that doucher Chris Angel.”
Photo Source: http://tinyurl.com/c83v2fq
No comments:
Post a Comment