Tuesday, July 24, 2012

"Now That's What I Call Music!", Finally Not Calling It Music Anymore

24 July, 2012 (New York, NY)


After 42 installments of compilation albums Virgin Records is halting CD production of their “Now That’s What I Call Music” tittles. Founder of Virgin Records Richard Branson was quoted about the Now! cancellation as saying “People just aren’t calling this crap music anymore.” Branson understands that he is leaving hundreds of the worlds Now! fans with slightly less options for obtaining their favorite popular hits, but cites a lack of his interest in the Now! franchise as a key factor to the tittles cancellation. “I’m trying to fly people to freakin’ space,” Branson exclaimed while riding a Segway around his luxurious New York City penthouse. “I really can’t devote any resources to continuing this CD production at this time.”

The resource Branson was alluding to was Virgin Records’ Now! department, which consists solely of Timothy Brown, the head of CD Creations. Brown has been working tirelessly in his mother’s basement since the first Now! CD was released in 1998. “Yes it’s really stressful at times, but at the end of the day it’s a really rewarding process,” stated Brown. He further went on to explain the process of making a Now! CD hit, which starts by spending about 10 minutes every other week researching the nations most popular songs on the radio. After collecting his data Brown then begins his “artistic process” of song ordering for the upcoming Now! Cd. “The order of songs is a huge factor to whether or not the CD really connects with the listener,” Brown exclaimed. ‘Unless you’re one of the heartless bastards that uses the shuffle button on your CD player...people still use CD players right?”

The highly successful Now! franchise is not marked without controversy though. The CD Creation team consisted of dual creators until the 2000 release of Now 4! when it contained the current head of Now! creation, Timothy Brown, and Larry Johnson the current head of CD Creations for Kidz Bop. 

“Before ‘Kidz Bop’ Johnson and Brown were a dynamic force in the song selection industry and had a rock-solid friendship,” a source close to the two producers said. The source also clarified that a “very heated argument” over the inclusion of Eiffel 65’s “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” sparked the duos separation.  When asked about the issue Johnson stated “The song was horrible. They just made up words and said ‘blue’ a bunch of times. Would you pay for a CD that had a voice like Steven Hawking singing on it? No.”

When asked about the Eiffel 65 controversy Brown did not wish to comment about Johnson, but Brown was quick to point out that Now! 4 was one of the most popular tittles of the franchise. “That was one of the most gratifying CDs of someone else’s songs I have ever put together,” asserted Brown.

After the departure Jonson really took some shots at the Now! franchise that upset may in the song selection industry. Johnson was quoted as saying that “any idiot with LimeWire and a CD burner” could do what Now! turned into a lucrative music enterprise.  When asked how Kidz Bop was any different than Now! Johnson replied, “Kidz Bop is not just selecting a popular song and reselling it like Now!. It’s selecting a popular song, then having a chorus of subpar vocally talented kids sing the lyrics, then reselling it.”

No matter Johnson’s views of Now! records that fact remains that the surprising relevant CD production will ultimately be discontinued. This point leaves many like 64 year-old Annette Scott wondering what she will get as stocking stuffers for her 7 and 8 year-old grandchildren. “Walmart always had Now! CDs in their clearance bins and they were a no brainer for 99¢,” said a dejected Scott. However, Scott did note that the CDs would usually be forgotten at her house and that she would normally turn them into “fancy hanging sun reflectors” on her back porch come summer.

At the end many questions still remain about the Now! records cancellation; what will happen to Timothy Brown, how will record companies poach more money from out-of-touch music buyers, what other infomercials will be shown late night on various TV networks, and have people really been buying this crap, are some examples. These questions are just a few that will be answered in time, but for now the one lone fact remains that the Now! era will soon cease to exist. Leaving hundreds with one less option to obtain 5 songs they like, 5 songs they think are ok, and 5 songs they generally skip over. 

No comments:

Post a Comment