30 July 2012 (Cortland, NY)
The spotlight of New York City is said to make
or break a professional athlete. In the case of new New York Jets quarterback
Tim Tebow it appears to be breaking him. Before Sunday Tebow was having a
subpar start to his 2012 training camp, missing throws, fumbling snaps and only
averaging about 2,324 mentions on ESPN a day. Tebow’s poor start to preseason
football took a turn for the worse when he drastically mistook a play call from
new Offensive Coordinator Tony Sparano. “We called a routine naked QB boot,”
explained Sparano. “Then things got strange after that.”
According to sources at Sunday’s practice upon
receiving the play call Tebow reportedly stripped of his pads, helmet and
uniform, an occurrence that was unbeknownst to center Nick Mangold. Mangold was
“freakin’ weirded out” when he felt two extra balls upon him snapping the
football. Tebow then took the exchange from center and scampered all the way to
the end zone naked, a sight that left defense captain Bart Scott utterly
“scared of crazy ass white boys”. “We were getting ready for 7 on 7, which I
couldn’t wait for!” Scott yelled like a psychopathic murderer for some obscure
reason. “Then I saw this dude over here [Tebow] literally streaking down the
field.”
Many of Tebow's teammates have denounced the
run, but slimmer and well known sexually perverse Rex Ryan said it was the
“greatest play” he’s seen. “The way his feet…moved down the field, was just
magical,” an entranced-like Ryan stated. “I’ll probably need to spend more time
in the film room with it though.”
Several people believe that the nude run was an
egotistical media stunt, a belief that is held by Tebow’s current training camp
roommate Chaz Schilens. Schilens noted that on Saturday Tebow spent hours in
the bathroom, when Schilens went to see if the star backup QB was all right he
said he saw Tebow “filming himself naked in the mirror with a football”. “When Tim
saw me he yelled for me to get out and that the video was for some Make-a-Wish
kid,” said Schilens.
Despite his on field frolic and poor preseason
play, Tim Tebow is expected to become the starting QB for the Jets at some
point this season because New Yorkers have become “pretty sure” Mark Sanchez is
Mexican. Sanchez has adamantly denied this claim that was abruptly manifested
after Tebow was traded from the Broncos in the spring. Regardless of the Jet’s
relative success with Sanchez at quarterback Rex Ryan is expected to go with
the highly overrated quarterback due to pressure from various sport networks.
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